the 100 day project – day 19-25

First off, I just want to say that I have not been intentionally slacking on writing this past week. I moved over the weekend, and though we scheduled our internet hookup for the very next morning, that just didn’t happen.

The internet guy told us that he needed our landlord’s written permission before he could drill a hole to put in the cable, and his only response when I told him that this was ridiculous and should have been mentioned in advance was to tell me to “be cool” over and over again. “Be cool, man. Just be cool.” Umm… ok, guy. Thanks for the advice.

That night, my roommate and I realized that our house also wasn’t equipped with any modern plug ins. There might be one in the living room? But elsewhere in the house, it is old timey outlets all the way. I can’t even plug in my lamp :|

THANKFULLY, our landlord is coming by to swap them all out for new timey outlets tomorrow morning, but as you can imagine, the past few days have been pretty low tech. This coupled with the fact that Toronto is not really a coffee shop culture, and everything here closes at 6pm on the dot, has made it very very easy to make excuses in the writing realm. Phew.

So what else? Though the new house is in a state of disrepair, it is also lovely, and even though we’re still settling in, it already feels a lot like home. I can’t wait until we’re ACTUALLY settled in. Our housewarming later this month is going to be just the best.

I’m running a half marathon this weekend.

That fact still hasn’t quite sunk in. Sooooo… we’ll see how that goes. Well, I hope?

Spring has sprung, and I’m now riding my bike to work, and coupled with the fact that my route from the new place takes me along an actual bike route instead of a death trap route is HEAVENLY. I love zipping to work in 15 minutes flat. The fact that part of my ride is also through a big park certainly doesn’t hurt. Woo!

So there you have it. Updates for the past week. New Internets coming on Saturday, and more complex updates to follow.

The end.

the 100 day project – day 18

Once again writing a last minute-y day cap type post at the end of a long-ish day.

Do I maybe have to become a morning person to get these done in a less hasty manner? Or would that just mean that the hastiness would be all “guess what I had for bfast today? eggs and toast again! grabbing a coffee en route to work. have a nice day, folks!” Maybe.

Today was a good day of things taking a bit more shape. CMTO meetups starting to tackle our whole speaker process and giving it more structure. Plus, CMTO sleepover where we’re going to be Skyping into other chapters around the globe to say hello and check out how CM is done in other cities. All in all, thumbs up to Thursday.

The end.

the 100 day project – day 17


In a few days, I will be moving out of my little one bedroom apartment and into the most giant, old house that I will ever have lived in. It’s pretty exciting. But let’s face it; the actual packing process is the worst ever. It always seems like your juuuuuust about done, and then somehow it takes hours and hours longer than you ever imagined.

Just realized that I wrote about the same thing at the beginning of my blog post yesterday. CLEARLY I am on a loop this week! Packing. More packing. Writing. Work. CreativeMornings. Running. Packing. Full steam ahead until Saturday evening, when the moving truck is all unpacked. Woo!

I realize that this might be one of the most boring of my blog posts, but halfway through I remembered that a deadline I’m trying to meet for a personal essay competition is tomorrow at 5, so I spent my evening writing that instead. GREAT.

On that note, that’s it, that’s all, folks. This girl’s gotta’ sleep.

The end.

the 100 day project – day 16

Sitting in my living room surrounded by boxes, and marvelling at the fact that I will be moving in a matter of days. I’ve lived almost exclusively on my own for 7 years now, and this Saturday, I will be making the shift into a giant house with 3 roommates. I’m nervous and excited. I’m worried about what might go wrong, but also soooo looking forward to the possibilities. Having pals over for Sunday dinners and brunches, gardening in the back yard, roommie movie nights, and so so many evening beers and morning coffees on the front porch.


I spoke to my mother for the first time in months today; not because I hadn’t wanted to. The last time that we saw each other was… awful. So incredibly awful. It was a turning point for me that sparked so much reflection, and began a journey that I’ve been on ever since to make change in my life. I needed time away, and now that the dust has settled, it’s time to make amends.

My relationship with my mother has always been incredibly fraught, but this year I am making a serious effort to stitch some of it back together. In her old age, I am doing my best to accept and let go of all of the things that she does that are painful, and to just give her the closest version that I can to the relationship that she wishes we’d had from the start.

Here’s to spring and new beginnings. Wish me luck.

the 100 day project – day 15

I should probably start doing this in the morning, because I KEEP FORGETTING.

Also, maybe one of these days soon I will plan out a post about something that I’ve actually been reading/researching about instead of just doing a mad type out of whatever’s in my head that day, MAYBE! Probably after I’ve moved? But in the meantime… WHAT HAPPENED TODAY??

Work. Which was fine. Rain. Some packing. No running.

Caught up with a few friends, planned some CMTO stuff, and potentially made some interesting connections for upcoming informational interviews about cool health start-ups in Toronto. Oh, and also got a really amazingly lovely note in the mail from a past CMTO speaker, and that made me feel so great. It also made me definitely want to start sending ever MORE MAIL. Woo!

I can’t believe that I am moving in 5 days. Again. This will be my 6th move in three years. I am REALLY HOPING that it will be the last for a while.

ANYWAYS. There. I wrote something.

The End.

the 100 day project – day 14 – keep on running


Photo by Jess Baumung (

Yes, it’s another running post. As previously mentioned, running seems to be becoming a larger and larger part of my life at the moment. And so there will be more and more posts about running.

photo (16)Today was the Toronto Yonge Street 10K, and it was great. I did not have a goal time in mind, and until the starting line, wasn’t even sure that I was going to push myself at all. I went to find the bathroom with a few run crew ladies just before start time, and we were heading back to the corral looking for the rest of our crew; unsure if we would find anyone, we then stumbled upon a big group of pals, and snapped this quick shot just as we began walking up towards the start line.

At the last minute, I decided to do my best to keep up with Mark Sawh (far left) for as long as I possibly could, and take things from there.

I stuck with him for the first KM, and then kept his hat in view up ahead until about the 5K point, and then it was just me and the course. I didn’t have headphones in like last year, and I wasn’t paying attention to my pace at all, and it was strange to have no real idea of how I was doing – hoping that I was running at a good pace, but also accepting that it might just feel that way.

ANYWAYS. Like last year, around the 7K mark, I started to falter a bit, but then I tried something that is going to sound suuuuuper cheesy in order to keep pushing. I imagined being out on a Tuesday night crew run. I recently ran an easy breezy 10K run with the group that felt effortless and light. So instead of thinking of being in this race, and the space left ahead of me, I pictured being light on my feet wolf packing through the nighttime streets with the Parkdale Roadrunners crew. And it worked. I suddenly had a smile on my face, and felt less effort as my feet hit the pavement. Despite being by myself on the course, I was not alone.

I don’t know why it surprised me that this worked so well, since visualization is consistently a tool that coaches, and just successful people in general say to use. Sooooo… use it. It works.

As I hit 9K, knowing that the cheer squad was coming up ahead carried me home. I cannot describe the feeling of rounding that last race corner, and having a whole crew of people who you’ve been training with for months and months, all cheering and giving you high fives, and showering you with confetti. It’s fucking magic. I kind of want to cry just thinking about it.

My favourite part of races is, and always has been, that last sprint to the finish line where you push yourself until you feel like your lungs might break, flying by waves of other runners who are too spent to kick it one gear higher for that tiny home stretch.

It was a good run.

photo (1)I missed sub 50 for the course by TWO SECONDS, but still PB’d my 10K time by just over a minute (the actual course is 10.2K).  It felt good.

Just past the finish line, it was amazing to look around and see other PDRR folks who had finished either just before or just after me, and to feel the love of the community, as we congratulated each other on PBs and first races, and giving it our best. I feel like that sounds too self congratulatory. But WHATEVER. It’s awesome.

We slowly made our way back to the cheer squad station to say hello and thank-you, and to cheer on those remaining, and talk about our races with those who finished before us.

Then slowly trickled out to little pockets of team brunches, and then finally home.

Today’s race made me realize that with a little pushing, a little speed work, and a little more cross training (and maybe a speedier than me pace buddy?) that next year’s TYS10K could be much MUCH faster. I can’t freaking wait.

Good job out there today, everyone. You’re the best.

the 100 day project – days 12 &13 – blog slacker

Blog slacker.

This is the message that I received from a writer friend this morning. And he was right. Just over a week in, and I have already been slacking and letting doubt get the better of me. Uggggggggh.

But that’s what the best kind of friends are for, right? Pushing you when you need pushing, and telling you that you are being a lazy dummy when you’re being a lazy dummy.

Most of my friendships are like this now – a fine balance between support and gentle pushing, or sometimes rather abrupt pushing, that let’s you know that someone is there for you, but also that they not going to take your shit. And I wouldn’t want them to. Take it. We can all be shitty at times, and the difference between a good friend and a bad one, is that good ones will let you get away with things when you really need their support and will give you a stern talking to when you’re stepping out of line; bad ones will let you get away with shit when you’re just being lazy, and will give you a stern talking to during the times that you actually need them for real support. Does that make sense? Did I articulate that correctly?

I feel like the best true friends that I’ve had are OK with me at my core, and will slap me back into place when I’m not being true to that core. But the ones that have not been the best have made me feel ashamed of my core, and would be encouraging only when I was easy breezy about all aspects of my life – good or bad. The bad ones wouldn’t have messaged me to give me a hard time for not writing; they wouldn’t have even noticed that I’d been writing in the first place.

This year, I’m working hard on being more vulnerable. I’ve been so in the past, but with entirely the wrong people, and it has not led to good things. I have had a lot of heartache in my life. Not particularly any more than your average joe, but as a person who is incredibly sensitive, it’s important to be even more discerning as to who you share your heart with. In friendship, or otherwise.

If you’ve been reading along, you might have noticed that all of the posts that I’ve done this month have been highly self-reflective, and I feel like they will continue to be so for the next while. I’m working really hard this year on being a better and better version of myself, and if that doesn’t require reflection, I don’t know what does.

Less blog slacking in the future. Thanks, friend.

the 100 day project – Days 9 to 11 – life lessons

I feel like many of my posts so far have been reflective and maybe sort of heavy? Am I imagining that?

So far, 2015 has been a heavy growth kind of year, and I’m realizing that I need to step back a little bit, simplify, and focus on the things that really and truly matter. I’ve kind of been putting tiny eggs in baskets all over the place, but really that doesn’t leave you with one basket that’s actually filled with eggs anywhere. MIXED METAPHORS. In grade 10, my basketball coach told me that you can really do 3 things very well, and while I’m not sure that 3 is particularly the limit, I think that this advice held the right sentiment. Focusing on too many things can kind of leave you nowhere. So for the rest of April, I have a few light tasks planned, but mostly I am focusing on getting ready to move into my new home.

Once that is settled, there will so much more brain space to focus on other things. So much more peace of mind.

Then it’s time for a bit of vision boarding to get my actual true goals/wants/missions put on paper a little more clearly, mixed with more writing and more running to clear any cobwebs that remain.

the 100 day project – day 7 – weird confidence

This is going to seem silly. Maybe very silly. But I severely lack confidence.

While professionally, I have very good sense of my capabilities, and boundaries, and what I deserve, both personally and romantically I know very well that I do not. I don’t know why. I’m working on it. But at the moment, I shy away from any person who I see shining too brightly. On a friend level, all that this means is that it takes me a very long time to develop deep friendships, but on a romantic level, it means that I am forever missing out. I am forever too bashful. How do I find the balance between shyness and aloofness? How do I manage to show interest without humiliation> I suppose that all humans suffer this, but maybe some are just more sensitive than others.