sleeping and not sleeping

Day 3 of 100 days of writing. I almost forgot to write something!!

Today was a lot of feeling under the weather, responding to emails, and watching the latest season of Bob’s Burgers to be uploaded to Netflix between naps. It was a cold, windy, rainy day here in Toronto, and despite feeling garbagey, I was so happy not to have to make the trek to work.

Tomorrow morning, I have an early appointment to FINALLY meet with a sleep specialist about the insomnia that I have had for over half of my life. It’s just an intake appointment, so I’ll have to wait and see what actually happens when a sleep study is scheduled, but I am tentatively hopeful they will be able to give me some kind of answer about my years and years of terrible sleep. I can’t even begin to describe how amazing it would be to sleep restfully even half the time. To not have to live tethered to coffee to drag me through my days. And to not have to call it a night at 12:00 when out with friends, because if I stay out later, there’s a chance that I might actually doze off while sitting across from them at the bar.

I do not remember the last time that I slept through an entire night, and as I get older it becomes more difficult to feel like I’m functioning well on the broken bits of sleep that I piece together throughout the week.

Keeping my fingers crossed that in the months to come, some solution will be found, and that more of the coffees in my future will be enjoyed for their deliciousness rather than for their necessity.

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