the 100 day project – day 37/38

Another weekend comes to a close. Did a lot of running, run cheering, hangouts, house organizing, and not a lot of all of the productive things that I told myself that I was going to do. In fact, none of them. Unless you maybe count getting a haircut.

I made some small steps forward with a crush that I have, who I will say no more about for fear of identifying them. But let’s just say that I am THE WORST chicken when it comes to crushes. And at least I am maybe starting to be a tiny bit less of a chicken. So there is that. SO VAGUE.

Crushes are the best/worst thing in the entire universe, no? So exciting and hopeful, but also completely agonizing and spirit-crushing all at once. The over-analysis of every single text message and interaction, going over every moment in excruciating detail to try to derive its meaning – even though in reality, there could actually be nothing whatsoever to excruciate over. THE WORST (/BEST)

the end.

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Day 34

I got my hair cut today, and while I was waiting for my hair dresser to be ready for me, I picked up a magazine in her waiting area, and in it there was a female writer who talked about the trope or cliche of a woman writing about her feelings, or and both she and the author were so refreshed and pleased that she had never done so. While initially, i had felt a little bit embarrassed when I read this (because I most definitely AM one of those female writers), I now find it a little bit irritating. So what if she WAS ‘one of those women’? Would that make her writing any less valid or meaningful?

Reflecting, while the interview was trying to imbue the writer with a certain cache, it actually seems like the same old stereotype of women shaming other women – of adding value to themselves by denouncing and almost ridiculing any connection to that which is generally considered to be feminine.

I hope that this post doesn’t come across as bitter. It’s not meant to be so. I just wish that women didn’t feel the need to try to distance themselves from other women in order to feel professionally validated or powerful. In reality, we’re always more powerful together.

the 100 day project – day 33

Today I went to see a talk by Roman Mars of 99% Invisible, with some of the other women from CreativeMornings Toronto. It was pretty much the best ever. Roman Mars has such a gift for storytelling that shows the beauty and wonder in the everyday. He is such a gifted speaker, with a calm, silky, measured tone. He has a way of making one feel incredibly excited about, and interested in, a topic without becoming manic or dramatic in his manner of speech.

Anyways, it was just such a treat. The talk was put on by Format, so THANKS FORMAT.

This was followed by a few drinks and foods at Bar Raval with a couple of the lovely ladies from Parkdale Roadrunners, and holy shit is that place great. Really lovely, beautiful atmosphere, that has more of a european vibe. And also, HOLY HELL, the tomato toast. Tomato toooooooooooast!!! We ordered it based on the bartender’s recommendation and it was probably my favourite out of everything we had. And it was only 3.50. It took me back to spending long summer days out on the water at my friend’s lake cabin and running in briefly in the afternoon only to make a quick tomato and mayo on toasted rye sandwich. THE BEST. But this was better. The mushroom towers were also the most delicious.

FINALLY, I came home to find that my roommates had completely unpacked/set up all of the common areas in our house. So it finally is really starting to look a lot like a home. Hurrrrrraaaaaaaaay.

And now it’s time for sleeps.

The End.

the 100 day project – day 32

Things are going really well. Today I had a really really incredible meeting with a woman who I have looked up to as an expert in my field for quite some time. She was so encouraging, and gave me some amazing pointers, and offered me some really incredible connections. I have had a lot of promising informational interviews in the past, but this one was different. Because this one is associated with some action.

At the same time as I had this wonderful lovely day, I also happen to be ending it with a nonsense panic attack of self doubt. Not related to this earlier meeting, but a few other things. They’re getting fewer and farther between, but hot damn are they just the worst thing ever. Mindfullnessing this anxiety away for tonight, and starting again anew tomorrow.

The end.

the 100 day project – day 31

I thought that I had missed another day, but NO it’s just past midnight.

Another good night of running. Another good night of Parkdale and pals. Another good night. I’m reaching towards a new level of athletisism and running this year, but also just reaching a new level of community. Not only are the folks I run with at Parkdale fast, and strong, and encouraging. They are also smart, and interesting, and beautiful, and fun. So really, it’s a full package deal. Again, I knoooooow all of my posts lately are all OMG RUNNING IS THE BEST. But it’s really been my anchor these past few months. The focus of this blog will eventually turn back to other things, but or the moment it’s mainly running and how that community has affected me.

It’s making me feel more secure in my skin. It’s helping me to learn to take a compliment instead of deflecting. It’s giving me a lot of positive things in my life, including drinking less, and taking care of myself more. i eat more vegetables. Don’t get me wrong, I loooooove croissants. And cheese. And I eat them a lot. But lately, I would equally eat a giant veggie and fruit platter for dinner. This isn’t a conscious change. I wasn’t like, HEAAAAAALTH. LET’S GO PALLLEOOOOO (ps. the concept of the paleo diet is a bunch of awful bullshit, and I would never do that. Also, I don’t believe that it’s actually healthy, but I just needed a loud health nut example, alright?!? ALRIGHT.)

Health follows health. And so on this journey to become the best version of myself, while some aspects of this best self are extraordinarily hard won, others happen almost without thinking at all.

If you’d told me last year, that this was where I’d be a year from then, I never would have believed you.

The end.

the 100 day project – 29/30

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MORE RUNNIIIIIING. I know that I’ve made a lot of posts about running, but I guess that that’s because it’s been a bigger part of my life lately. It’s been a stressful year so far, and running is the only the activity in my life that just allows me to shut all of that off.

I ran my first half marathon on Sunday. I kind of registered on a peer pressurey whim, so hadn’t really been planning that far ahead for this race. I ran one longer run with a few running buddies, and it was tooooooough. So I had some idea of what to expect, but race days are always so different from your regular runs out on the road. I did not expect how emotional I would end up feeling over the whole thing. Which is like, get real, Altaira, you cry about freaking cat food commercials.

Anyways, there were a few instances in particular that got me all choked up. I was running with my friend Mary for the entire race, and at some point she started to pull ahead a little and I didn’t think that I could keep up. I decided that if this was where we parted ways, that it would be ok. And then up beside me comes my half marathon angel, apparently. This man touches me lightly on the shoulder, and then says very softly, “don’t let her go.” Said man then runs me up to beside Mary, and with a quick “good job”, he’s off.

I cannot explain how much this moment touched me. It was such a perfect example of a human just supporting another human.

One of the other mega moments of emotion was coming around Crew Love Corner (CLC). CLC is what we call the area where the Pardkale Roadrunners Cheer Squad sets up camp. You’re in the last leg of your race, and you know that CLC is coming up, and then when you round that corner, your heart bursts into a million flames. It is fucking magical. Having a crowd of 50 amazing folks who you run with week after week out there supporting you, and yelling your name, and setting off confetti canons, is indescribable. I died. I am so thankful every day for this bunch. The whole community is just pure support and love.

Aaaaaaannnd, on that note, i am nodding off and just started to type out one of my dreams. That’s a whole other story, but yes that happens. It was a real problem in my 3rd year stats class, because I would nod off often, and my notes would be normal one minute, then early dreamstate babble the next. It definitely made it tough to review notes.

More on running and other things later.

the end.

the 100 day project – 26/7

We finally have the Interneeeeet. And our landlord replaced our old timey outlets, so I am happily typing this from the comfort of my bedroom. Hurraaaaaay!!

That being said, this is still gonna’ be a bit of a cop out post. I am running my FIRST HALF MARATHON in the morning, and I am super sleepy, and need to meditate and prep and get cozy before sleep time. Kind of like with my first triathlon, I signed up for this kind of last minute based on peer pressurey whim. It’s gonna’ be really good.