Musings on the year behind and the year ahead

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Another year comes to a close. 2016 brought so many triumphs, epiphanies, setbacks and moments of growth. I’ll be ringing in the new year at Bodega Ridge, with friends, food, bonfires, and surrounded by so much silence and loudness and spirit and nature. In a year where my need for connection to forests and the sea have been crystalized so clearly, it seems fitting for new beginnings to unfold in this setting. I continue to struggle to find the balance between my life in Toronto and my life out here on the West Coast.

Thoughts for the new year:

  • Whenever I talk to people about the writing workshops that I’m running, their eyes light up. It’s encouraging and empowering, and I can’t wait to see how these workshops grow in 2017.
  • I’ve relied on my science brain, and pure facts for a long time, and though I’m a really emotional, intuitive, sensitive person, I often try to distance myself from this aspect of my personality. Why? This year, I’m going to do my best to lean into the feeling side of myself more.
  • I did a tarot card reading for the new year with an old friend and a new friend, and one thing that came up was how I use charisma and humour to keep an arms length in intimate relationships, to avoid coming across as vulnerable. This practice is not helping me on any fronts, and I need to start allowing myself to be open up to people more deeply. Especially in romantic situations.
  • Also yes I am into tarot card readings, and burning sage, and crystals, and the universe, and all of that modern spirituality garbage, and I should probably just be real with myself about that and accept it. AMIRIGHT?!
  • I have all of the skills and experience that I need to take the next steps in my career, and life in general, and I just need to stop doubting myself. I don’t need to study more, or get a certificate, or take a workshop, I just need to do it. Action. Action Action.
  • I’ve spent half the year with mild injury and it’s been frustrating, but also a good lesson in balance, taking care of myself, and listening to my body. I always knew that physical activity was important to me, but it was taken to a next level in 2016. I am stronger than I have ever been in my life, and in the year ahead, I intend to be even stronger. I intend to lift weights, and run up mountains, and swim in the ocean, and row, and play sports, and bike, and adventure, and do all of the things, and feel strong and free and empowered in my own body. And through writing, and example, I want to help other people to feel this way too.
  • In the same vein as vulnerability in person, I’m going to become more vulnerable in my writing. I always tell myself that I should be writing more academic, well-researched thought pieces, and that’s fine, but in reality I think that the thing that I really have to offer in my personal writing is from the more personal.
  • I am very self-critical, so I can also take offers of help from other people as critical. Again, why? I’ve been doing a lot of self work in the past months checking my own feelings when it comes to self judgement and perceived judgement from others. It’s been hard. I grew up feeling that nothing was ever good enough for my parents, and this feeling carried over into adulthood. It’s hard to shake. It’s a process. And in the process of becoming less critical of myself, I’m also hoping to become less critical of others.
  • More listening to my gut.
  • More courage.
  • More adventure.
  • More stillness.
  • More work.
  • More strength.
  • More friends.
  • More sweat.
  • More vulnerability.
  • More connection.
  • More life.

Happy New Year all. May you find your north star, your tribe, and your bliss – whatever that may be – in the year to come.

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