So I have not posted for a few weeks… I keep meaning to write a big response post to a different post on a really aggressive feminist blog, and so I’ve been avoiding writing anything else, because if I’m writing anything, I should be writing this actually meaningful post that outlines my thoughts about various feminist ideals and blah blah blah blah. I’m sure that said post will happen eventually, but this is what’s actually on my mind at the moment, so this is what I’m going to write about instead.
Here I’m going to put a bit of a disclaimer: this post is somewhat navel-gazey, a bit of a rant, somewhat rambly, and a teeny tiny ever so small bit of a pity party. So… there you go. You’ve been warned.
We’ve all heard it before – “I think that you’re the most amazing person, but I just need to focus on myself right now”; “I don’t think that it would be fair to date you until I’ve become a better person”; “You deserve to be with someone who is just as awesome as you are”… and while all of these rejections are well intentioned, what they really boil down to is this: “You’re nice, but I’m not interested in you ENOUGH to make any of the commitments that come along with serious dating”.
Well, friends, I have just been through yet another one of these debacles. I’m not sure what it is about me that makes people who I find interesting so averse to committing to serious dating. But moreso, I don’t understand why this is the rejection that more and more often, is the one that I receive. Is this where breakups are headed? Complimenting the person you’re not interested in to death until they leave you alone?
Furthermore, once the breakup has happened, there is then the BARAGE of attempted confidence boosts from pals along the lines of “you were too good for him anyways”, “you’re such a catch, one of these days, some amazing guy will knock your socks off”, and “you deserve waaaay better”. Which, okay, I concede. Thank-you, friends. I am grateful that you are there for me and that you think that I’m great, and you want me to feel like my life is soooo much better with out so-and-so or what’s his face, but at the same time… who is this magical being that I am stuck here waiting for? Is he going to swoop in with angel wings and whisk me away into some euphoric love nest where we’ll become the most amazing, interesting, fit, successful, funny and gorgeous power couple ever to walk the Earth? After all of the “you deserve better”s, is there anyone left?
Ok, so yes, I know that these things are just anecdotes that people use to get through breaking up, but I am so tired of the “you’re too good” at this point, that the next time I hear it, I feel like I might just scream at the top of my lungs until said breaker-upper is so exasperated that they scream back, “OK! FINE! I AM JUST NOT THAT INTERESTED. YOU’RE NICE, but NO. NOT FOR ME.” And then they will look at me with “are you happy? Is this what you wanted!?” eyes, and I will smile, and filled with relief, thank them for their honestly, and be heart-brokenly but much less confusedly on my way.